Homeopaths looking forward to simple Christmas dinner of a glass of water and a picture of a roast turkey

Homeopaths are looking forward to enjoying their yearly festive feast consisting only of a lovely glass of tap water sitting atop a photograph of a delicious Christmas dinner of roast turkey with all the trimmings.

In the latest issue of Homeopathy Quarterly, a magazine containing 1,500 pages but only a few small words of actual content, homeopathic ‘doctor’ Simon Williams shared his tips for a healthy Christmas saying, “The most important part of Christmas is, of course, the dinner itself.

“My recipe is simple, cheap, and more importantly will follow homeopathic principles to provide the entire family with all the goodness of a full roast dinner without them having to actually eat anything.”

He explained, “After years of perfecting my homeopathic Christmas feast I have found that drinking tap water while gazing at a photograph of a turkey with stuffing, roast potatoes, sprouts, pigs in blankets and gravy, provides me with a full meal that is great for my health.

“And for any doubters out there – the active ingredient is, of course, the photograph, which I repeatedly tap against the side of the glass before drinking it.

“We tried drinking water that had at some point had a slice of roast turkey dipped in it, but we found that to be a bit too strong, which of course meant it didn’t work as well and left us hungry. Merely showing it a photograph left us feeling much fuller.”

The latest issue of Homeopathy Quarterly is on sale now in one out of every hundred thousand high street retailers.

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