Having failed to reach an agreement with the Irish government over the issue of a post-Brexit hard border between the Republic of Ireland and Northern Ireland, Theresa May has stressed that it shouldn’t be a problem, as the two countries have always got on fine anyway.
The British Prime Minister, who continues to epitomise strength and stability, is due to meet John-Claude Juncker this week to continue discussions around the Brexit bill, citizen’s rights and the Irish border.
“Well the Brexit bill is pretty much agreed,” she told reporters this morning, “and at this point, we can confirm that we will just pay them whatever they demand.
“Admittedly it’s looking a bit more expensive than Boris’ famous ‘go whistle’, but what can you do, eh?”
She went on, “Citizen’s rights are going to be a bit more tricky, I think, as we can’t really make any guarantees and who knows what will happen to EU citizens in the UK or UK citizens abroad. I genuineky don’t have a clue where to start when it comes to their rights.
“But at least the issue of a hard border will be much easier to sort out, given the history of peaceful coexistence between the two sides.
“I’m sure the ongoing debate over the border will not provoke any tensions between the north and the south, and that they will find a peaceful solution, just as they always have done.
“Obviously it’s looking like it would take a miracle to avoid a hard border even at this stage of the negotiations, but I’m sure that even if there had to be some sort of wall between the two countries then things will continue to run smoothly, as they have done for centuries.
“Assuming the Republic of Ireland pay for it, of course.”