Tractors sexy, insist farmers

author avatar by 6 years ago

Several tons of potatoes isn’t the only thing you can pull in a tractor, the nation’s farmers have confirmed.

The real reason they cruise at eight miles an hour down the middle of the road is to give the ladies a real good view of that hot tractor action, according to a statement issued at t’crack of dawn this morning.

Calling the combination of flat cap, overalls held on with baler twine and a hundred horsepower of agricultural machinery ‘a triple whammy of sex’, farmer Simon Williams explained that he wasn’t deliberately holding up traffic but just giving the honeys a gooood long look.

“Massey Ferguson? More like Massive Johnson,” he told us. “Am I right or am I right, ladies?

“All you boy racers with your go-faster stripes and metallic paint are getting it wrong. What women want is to be stuck behind a John Deere on the A14 during rush hour, getting all the time they need to check out my rear end and hydraulic hitch – if you catch my drift.

“I need a shitty stick to fight them off after that, so it’s a good thing I’m a farmer as I’ve got several of those.

“And when I talk about hooking up the muckspreader that’s a euphemism for anal sex,” he added, unnecessarily.