‘Thousands’ of hardcore Tory policies on MP’s computer

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A former Scotland Yard detective has told reporters he was “shocked” by the number of hardcore Conservative party policies on a computer seized from the Commons office of senior Tory MP Damian Green.

Simon Williams, who examined the device during a 2008 inquiry, said “thousands” of documents detailing drastic cuts to benefits, tax incentives for the rich, and privatisation of publicly-owned utilities were on it.

The policies, while legal, were described as “hardcore” and “extreme”.

“He’s into some real nasty stuff in the bedroom. Taxing any unused ones for a start.

“Most of the policies were about shafting the public in ever more drastic and imaginative ways.

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“Domination came up time and time again – power role-play stuff about naughty poor people being punished.

“And disabled people – he’s really into seeing them get fucked.

“He’s really into pegging too. Pegging exchange rates to a basket of foreign currencies. The sick bastard.

Green denied writing the policies, but Mr Williams said a check of the computer’s history over a three-month period showed on some days the policy documents were being opened and written for several hours.

“In between writing these policies he was sending emails from his personal account, masturbating to online pornography, playing solitaire… it is ridiculous to suggest anybody else could have done it.”