Christmas is my favourite time of year because I get to trash the shit out of the tree, a dog has confirmed today.
7-year old Mister Rex, who prefers to be known by his dog name ‘Zogaranth, destroyer of furniture, ruiner of rugs’, has been running in circles and crashing into stuff in keen anticipation of the first time he’s left alone with the Christmas tree for more than eight seconds.
”We all have traditions,” he told us over a hearty post-training meal of someone else’s unattended dinner.
”You go out, carefully select the best tree you can find, bring it home, and spend hours artfully arranging the decorations and tinsel and that lovely angel that glitters so enticingly amongst the fairy lights.
“It’s a magical moment of festive serenity, right up until I go completely ape-shit bananas for no reason and trash the hell out of it, possibly knocking it onto the telly for good measure.
“Maybe I’ll cover it up by pretending to be delighted to see you and knocking it over with my heartily wagging tail, so you can’t even be really that cross.
”You cut my baubles off, so don’t complain if once a year I do the same back. Merry Christmas.”