Kate ‘absolutely thrilled’ to welcome Meghan as the new primary target for the gutter press

Speaking during a visit to the Founding Museum in London, The Duchess of Cambridge has said how she was “absolutely thrilled” upon learning of Prince Harry’s engagement to actress Meghan Markle, after realising it meant that she would no longer be the primary target for the gutter press.

The Duchess of Cambridge told Ms Markle to cherish this brief moment of happiness, before every single decision she makes somehow gets reported back to the nation as a ‘scandal’.

“It’s great to be able to welcome her into the family”, the Duchess told reporters.

“But even more so, it’s wonderful to think that – even if only temporarily – she’ll become the family member who is most disturbingly scrutinised and obsessed over by the tabloids and their readers.

“Finally there’ll be someone who marries into royalty that has every single detail of their previous and future life unwillingly cast into the public domain, more than I already do.

“Marrying a prince naturally comes with its public duties, such as my philanthropic and charitable focuses, but I’m delighted to hand over the duty of living the single most invasive existence within the entire royal family.

“I once modelled in a see-through dress and that kept the tabloids going for months, God alone will be able to help her when they realise she willingly participated in a sex scene for her role in Suits.”

Palace officials are reportedly already working in conjunction with the gutter press to establish the most suitable and proper measures to transform every aspect of Ms Markle’s life into a living hell.

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