Amazon is devoting a huge two-week ‘Black Friday’ sale to trying to unload all the crap you wouldn’t buy any other time, according to their emails today.
Promising deep discounts and amazing savings, the marketing neglects to mention that you saved a lot of money by not buying any of this stuff last month and can easily do the same again now.
Pulling a selection of primo-grade tat from the back of the warehouse where it has been gathering dust for the last year, Amazon hope you might want a catering-size pack of toilet paper, an exfoliating brush and a pack of forty condoms at discount prices for…whatever it is you might be doing this weekend.
“You can get an infra-red grill, a set of matching wine glasses and a cuddly toy for low, low prices,” said Amazon head of digital twattery Simon Williams hopefully, like what it takes to make your life complete is the prize list from a 1970s Gameshow.
“Otherwise we’ll just end up giving this junk away to free up space for things people might actually want.
“And if you do buy any of this stuff, our automated systems will spend the next six months mailing you to ask if you’d like to buy another.
“Nothing beats our customer service”, he added. “Actually this is true. Nothing would beat our customer service.”