The DVD special edition of Blade Runner 2049 will include almost seventy extra hours of moody, orange-lit establishing shots and Harrison Ford saying grumpy things, producers have confirmed.
Whilst the additional footage contains no extra details or story, this is not expected to change the experience of watching the film.
However, there will be many, many hours of lingering, meaningful shots of beautifully rendered cityscapes and landscapes whilst people have loaded conversations that never go anywhere.
“The longest additional scene will be a six-hour ad-libbed monologue by Jared Leto about the nature of life, delivered in a low, croaking mumble so you can’t make out a single word,” producers told us.
“We appreciate that’s not much different from his performance in any other film, so we’ve stuck a caption saying ‘Blade Runner’ at the bottom of the screen so when you doze off and wake up you can be sure you’re still watching the same thing.”
Producers have promised that the additional footage will answer all the questions except what the hell you’re doing with your life.
Bonus features will include a scene where Ryan Gosling emotes, which was cut from the theatrical release.
Fans of the film have criticised the plan saying it is ‘Far too short’, and demanded an additional 93.5 hours of cars flying through rain whilst someone explains the plot.