Man who criticised new iPhone arrested for sheep worrying

A man who shouted ‘The iPhone is rubbish!’ in an Apple store is facing charges of sheep worrying today.

Police were called after 33-year-old Simon Williams suggested that other options are far cheaper and offered similar levels of functionality to Apple products, causing confused milling and frightened bleating amongst Apple’s key customer demographic.

Apple in-store product shepherds rushed to calm their customers amidst concerns that awareness of greener pastures might cause them to become panicky and agitated, and even run away from their professional and largely painless shearing.

“Our customers are placid and easily herded under normal circumstances, but they’re also surprisingly easy to spook,” we were told by an Apple in-store product shepherd.

“For example, just a small amount of lighthearted mockery – such as this article, for example – results in them adopting very defensive behaviours and potentially lashing out, causing substantial damage to our margins.

“Seriously, anyone convicted of this sort of offence should spend a long time behind baaas.”

When asked, Apple CEO Tim Cook said, “Get orf my Brand!”

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