Apparent President of the United States Donald Trump will no longer have an official state visit to Great Britain with all the ceremony that entails.
Instead, he will be treated to a thirty-minute skype with the ex-showbiz editor of the Daily Mirror, Piers Morgan.
The decision was taken because President Trump is a colossal shit.
“The official skype with Piers Morgan will begin at 3pm on an as yet to be decided date,” said a diplomatic representative of the UK.
“Both the President and Mr Morgan will spend the initial five minutes tapping the screen and saying ‘hello,’ whilst muttering darkly about it being set on the wrong camera.
“Mr Morgan will then take a brief walking tour of London, holding up the phone so the President can view various points of interest such as Buckingham Palace, Big Ben, and Platinum Lace: sophisticated adult entertainment for gentlemen.
“The two men will then spend a pleasant few minutes ranking female celebrities in order of hotness before concluding the call.”
The representative denied that a skype with Piers Morgan could be considered a diplomatic slap in the face.
“No, not at all, if we wanted to give a diplomatic slap in the face, we’d have arranged the skype with someone really trivial and inconsequential.
“Like Theresa May.”