New report claims Old MacDonald will no longer have a farm after Brexit

Old MacDonald will have a farm right up until Britain leaves the EU, according to a report published today.

The report has suggested that the profitability of the average UK farm, including the one owned by an elderly chap called Mr MacDonald, could fall by as much as half after Britain leaves the EU.

The report, produced by the Agriculture & Horticulture Development Board (AHDB), says the “worst-case scenario” would cut average farm profits from £38,000 a year to just £15,000, due to the presumed loss of the subsidies given to British farmers by the EU under the Common Agricultural Policy.

A close friend of Mr MacDonald, Simon Williams, told us, “I’ve spoken at length to Mac, and he is incredibly concerned about what will happen to his beloved farm after March 2019 – and rightly so.

“He has cows, pigs and sheep making all sorts of noises here, there and everywhere, but at the end of the day it is the EU subsidies which keep his farm running, no matter how popular it may be in toddler rhyming circles. Right now he just does not know what will happen.

“Leave supporters have told him that he can now trade freely with the rest of the world, but as he’s never so much as left East Anglia I doubt he will be likely to secure a huge supply contract with the Middle East or Japan.”

Later that afternoon, passing by on his tractor, Old MacDonald could be heard sadly singing “Old MacDonald had a farm, EU EU – oh.”

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