New Tory organ donation rules will allow poor people to be turned into soap

Under sweeping changes to the legislation governing organ donation, those receiving benefits are to be harvested for all usable organs, including having their body fat turned into soap.

The proposals include compulsory measures to have claimants’ body fat made into soap for use in prisons, schools, hospitals and motorway service stations.

A government white paper outlines the rationale: “It’s only fair that the fat, lazy wasters who contributed nothing to society when they were alive give something back in death.”

However, the remit of the proposals goes beyond the organs of the deceased. The paper continues, “It’s perfectly reasonable to expect people to give up body parts in exchange for benefits.

“During public consultation, many single parents said they’d give their right kidney so their children can sleep somewhere safe and warm – well, now they can. And many of those on disability benefits probably don’t need their legs anyway right?

“Lives will be saved, the obese will lose weight, those living in poverty will get to eat and prisoners won’t smell so bad – everyone’s a winner. We can’t think of a single reason why anyone would have a problem with any of this.”