A man behaving in the exact same way that Hugh Heffner did, but on a smaller budget, is receiving nowhere near enough credit.
Simon Williams, 64, is currently shagging several girls ranging in age from 17 to 23.
“I give them gifts and money in much the same way Hugh Heffner did with his girls,” said Williams.
“Except the gifts are iPods rather than Jimmy Choos, and the money is tenners and twenties rather than several grand. Plus I live in a one-bed flat rather than a mansion.
“The principle is the same though, so I’m looking forward to being regarded as some kind of sexual icon rather than just a dirty old man looking to exploit some young women.”
Simon’s neighbour, Elizabeth King, told us, “he’s a dirty old man.
“Not like Hugh Heffner, he had class about him – and by ‘class’ I mean ‘money’, which makes it all fine.
“But Simon drinks Carling Black Label and owns a Staffordshire Bull Terrier. It’s not ok for him to behave in the same way.”