President Trump has told America that he is doing everything he can to help Florida residents struck by Hurricane Irma, by offering discounted access to Trump branded paraphernalia.
Trump has been criticised for his response to the disaster so far, but is hopeful the excessive generosity of his 50%-off deal will prevent further criticism from the ‘unfair liberal media’.
Trump told reporters, “This is America, and the capitalist wheel never stops turning, as such I am doing my part to restore Florida’s self-esteem by offering a massive 50% on all MAGA gear in my official store, all you need to do is put in your zip code.
“With free delivery too, you can rest assured that a delivery man will soon be throwing your new MAGA gear onto whatever heap of mud and rubble marks what used to be your home.
“Remember, people don’t need handouts, they need to feel valued, they need to know they’re helping America become great again; and they can do that by contributing – albeit at a lesser amount – to my re-election campaign.
“Of course, if they want to pay the full price they can, the hats are great, just great, and they’d be doing a really good thing paying the full price.
“It’s up to them though, if they think they need the money more than America needs to be great again, that’s ok.”
Trump supporters have welcomed the offer, insisting they will spend every spare penny they can on MAGA merchandise to help Trump help them.
Chuck Williams told us, “I know people often use the word literally incorrectly, but there is literally nothing that man can do that would make me stop supporting him.”