With conference season fast approaching, the Tory party have been forced again to deny that they are riven with infighting and division over Europe.
Bullishly, the party claim that actually, they are more united over Europe and Brexit than they have ever been with every single member agreeing that every other member is wrong over Brexit.
“You look to the Labour party and there are two or three factions who believe in a different approach to Brexit,” said a Tory insider
“Whereas, really, there aren’t any defined factions in the Tory party anymore as literally everyone seems to disagree with everyone else.
“So, I believe that we should unhook Great Britain from Europe, tow it several thousand miles south-west until we’re just off the coast of Florida, and grow oranges.
“However, my colleague believes that we should sink Great Britain and all live under the sea because things will be better, down where it’s wetter, under the sea.
“We are in the unique position of having every person in the Tory party united in their belief that every other person is wrong over Europe.
“I think everyone else is wrong, the Prime Minister thinks everyone else is wrong, even Chris Grayling who, bless him, struggles with thinking, but even he thinks everyone else is wrong.
“We are utterly united.”
The Tory conference begins in Manchester on October 1st and will just be a series of Tories standing up and explaining why they’re right and everyone else is wrong over Europe.