Wednesday 30 August 2017 by Lucas Wilde

Cunning employee secures seventeen extra breaks by taking up smoking

Man smoking cigarette break

An office worker has managed to effectively wrangle an extra hour off work every day.

Simon Williams, 27, traditionally worked 9-5 with an hour for lunch and leads a fairly healthy lifestyle.

“But then I noticed that my colleagues who smoke can take about ten minutes to themselves whenever they feel like it,” said Williams.

“So now I’m on twenty a day.

“Yes, I will die younger, but the amount of free time I’ll have compared to non-smokers at work means that the amount of time I’ll spend actually feeling alive is roughly the same.”

Simon’s manager, Jay Cooper, said, “I’m annoyed at Simon because I know damn well why he’s doing this, but legally there’s nothing I can do to stop him.

“For some reason, we have to make special allowances for people who want to turn their lungs to shit, so I’m pretty much powerless to do anything.

“Technically our employees can just take five minutes to go and stand outside if they want to, but that’s where the smokers go, so if you don’t smoke it’s horrible.

“It’s so unfair. I’m addicted to meth and I have to wait until I get home.”

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