The President has pledged to build an even bigger, stronger wall after a wave of illegal immigrants broke through border defences.
The golden-haired ruler, whose relationship with members of his own family has been described as ‘questionable’, announced he would visit the site of the structurally damaged wall – although sources close to the President suggest that after making the announcement they overheard him tell Melania ‘Of course we aren’t going to visit the wall, we’ll let someone else sort it out’.
Trump ran on a pledge to give the Night’s Watch on the wall between the Fifty Kingdoms and the wild lands to the South a huge budgetary increase, and he has recently been in conflict with his own Master of Coin about paying for it after his promise that the wildlings would pay for it came to naught.
Allies of the President have already moved South to deal with the emerging crisis, and are understood to be ‘concerned’ that despite considerable bluster and promises he was last seen addressing a half-empty rally in Phoenix and shilling for his friend’s book rather than doing what he promised.
“Right now the best hope we’ve got is Ted Cruz,” we were told.
“And frankly if a couple of teenage girls did away with him that would only improve matters.”