There’s definitely nothing sinister about a club you can’t leave, says EU

The EU has stated definitively that there is nothing sinister about a club that has no easy mechanism for a member to voluntarily leave.

The popular trading block and burgeoning Empire responded to criticism in the wake of Great Britain’s request to leave being met with demands for billions of pounds, a request to do a nice little dance and the immediate delivery of the blood of 24 virgins to Brussels.

“No, there is nothing sinister about the EU having no real mechanism to leave,” cackled Jean Claude-Juncker.

“Anyone who says there is will immediately be given a bill for billions of euros.

“I mean, we’ve got a perfectly good mechanism for us to expel a country – Article 50 – why would we need a mechanism to voluntarily leave?

“Surely everyone excepts that if an individual, be that a person or a country, joins another group of individuals then they can expect to remain in that group until the end of time.”

However, Mr Juncker’s comments have failed to convince even the most beardy and lefty of people.

“So, if I join a club,” said Simon Williams, an artificial construct designed to represent a notional ‘average’ person.

“And then I want to leave, and they say ‘No, you can’t leave,’ then doesn’t that constitute a kidnapping?”

Mr Juncker was quick to respond.

“No,” he laughed.

“And that’ll be a billion euros for even suggesting it.”

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