by 
Top eighties pop star Yazz has given up on a lifetime of insisting that the only way is up after she was shown the way down earlier this week.
“Well, I had no idea,” said the yellow-haired songstress.
“I was sure that the only way was up. Baby, for you and me.”
Yazz had been labouring under the misapprehension since 1988 when she was broken down to the lowest turn.
“I was, I mean, I really was, and, to be frank, being on the bottom line sure ain’t no fun.”
She had just been evicted from her home and was looking to move somewhere else and still carry on.
“I remember. That house was at the bottom of the hill, and so when I left literally the only way for me to go was up.
“I guess in some small part of me I knew that something was a bit off as I actually remember thinking as I walked up the hill – ‘Hold on’- and then again – ‘Hold on’ – but ultimately just dismissing it because I was literally convinced that the only way is up.”
Yazz is relieved to have been shown the way down and is happy to put nearly thirty years of misunderstanding behind her.
“Yes, I’m ever so glad I know the way down now. If nothing else, that’s where the Spar is and I’ve been out of milk for years.”
