Rupert Murdoch launches bid to acquire Ofcom

author avatar by 7 years ago

Following a setback to Rupert Murdoch’s plans for the £11.7bn takeover of Sky, the media mogul has refocused his efforts in achieving total media domination by launching a new bid to acquire Ofcom.

The change in strategic direction to acquire the communications regulator comes after Culture Secretary Karen Bradley told the Commons that she accepted a recommendation from Ofcom to call in the Competition and Markets Authority to carry out a further six-month examination of the deal.

“Whilst the Communications Act says that Ofcom’s principal duty is to further the interests of citizens and of consumers, where appropriate by promoting competition, I feel the people would benefit most from the competition being completely eradicated,” said Mr Murdoch.

“It’s not so much about the media being fairly represented, as it is about me being fairly represented in the media. And the best way to achieve this is through achieving 100% ownership of an independently regulated government body.

“Obviously were the takeover to be successful, I’d have to make a few changes, starting with eradicating Ofcom’s statutory duty to protect people from having their privacy invaded – besides myself of course – that’s kinda my thing,” he added.

Murdoch concluded his statement with a wistful gaze into the horizon, saying how he longed to one day live in a world where the definition of the word ‘news’ in the Oxford English Dictionary simply read, ‘Rupert Murdoch’.