Build bridges not walls says festival with massive security fence

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Glastonbury has become a torch-bearer for the free movement of people after erecting a massive fence to keep the hippies out.

After being invited to speak by wealthy landowner Michael Eavis, Labour Leader, Jeremy Corbyn, raised the burning issues of injustice and poverty in front of thousands who had forked out two hundred quid for a ticket.

Corbyn said young people had been forced into “making a series of difficult and unpalatable choices”, like whether to pay eight pounds for an undercooked veggie burger.

Corbyn said, “When you take away hope from individuals, society as a whole suffers. Just look at Thom Yorke.”

The PM-in-waiting also called for an end to a society in which people sullenly accept low wages, inequality and piss-weak Carling priced at a fiver a pint.

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Festival expert, Simon Williams, said, “Corbyn offered a message of optimism to a crowd who, moments earlier, had been forced to find solace in the music of Craig David.”

Holding his microphone aloft, Corbyn added, “Look at those poor fuckers clambering over the barbed wire. There’s a message there for Donald Trump – build bridges, not walls.

“Actually, I think someone had better call an ambulance.”