There was nationwide relief today as an end-of-life date was given for fidget spinners as toys.
The spinning gadgets, which are designed to aid children with learning difficulties but have been popularised by kids who are just morons, have spread across British schools.
“They’re amazing! Look what I can do with this one!” said 11-year-old Elizabeth King, attempting to balance the fidget spinner on her nose before it inevitably fell off and through a drain cover.
Elizabeth’s father sighed “that’s sixteen of the fuckers now. Thirty quid total.
“I’m relieved to hear they will be going soon. I realise now what my mother must have gone through with football stickers and Pokemon cards. No wonder she hates me.
“I mean the drink-driving my car through her front hedge might have something to do with it too but I bet it’s mainly the childhood fads.
“We just need dabbing to go away and then maybe Elizabeth can focus on the important things in life, such as oxbow lakes and quadratic equations.”