The terrorists who died in a volley of bullets on Saturday night have been left gutted after discovering that the virgins awaiting them in the afterlife are other dead ISIS fighters.
It is believed that the three attackers are already regretting getting themselves shot by police after each was rewarded with seventy-two equally angry young male virgins to satisfy them for all of eternity.
“Oh shit,” said one, using surprisingly foul language for a supposedly devout believer. “Is…is this it?
“Where are the nubile young ladies I was definitely promised? I don’t see any nubiles? This is starting to feel an awful lot like misselling – what is the refund policy in this place?”
One of the others piped up, “Can I get some help over here? Yes, one of my seventy-two virgins looks like Jihadi John. Wait. Bollocks, it is Jihadi John.
“I mean, don’t get me wrong, I’m delighted to meet him as he was a bit of a hero of mine, but I don’t particularly want to shag him.”
The third then reportedly pointed out, “Guys, guys, never mind the virgin situation – why is it so hot in here and who is that scary looking bastard with the pitchfork?”
It is understood from sources within the depths of Hell that the terrorists can either accept their reward and manfully start working their way through the male virgins, or they can wait around to become part of a seventy-two strong reward for the next ideologically twisted loser that makes his way down there.