Trump bored of women and looking to fuck the environment instead

author avatar by 6 years ago

President Trump has decided to move his sexual focus from women to the actual air that we breathe.

The 45th President of the United States and Cheeto-dust addict made the decision while pulling out of the Paris climate accord – the first time he’s pulled out of anything. Fnarr.

“I love our environment, she’s great, she really is,” said Trump, assuming the environment’s gender.

“I love our environment so much that I’ve pulled her away from those dastardly Frenchies so I can fuck her myself.

“We can do anything we want to our environment, you know? Grab her by the ozone … she’ll let you do whatever you want when you’re famous.”

A spokesperson for the White House said, “No, I don’t know why I still work here.

“Anyway … Mr. Trump feels that he’s got all he can out of human women, bar their love and/or affection, which he doesn’t care for. So now he’s going to try and have sex with the actual atmosphere.

“Remember the days when that would have been a really odd thing to say? How I yearn for them.

“Anyway, I must go, the President is about to go and touch up a rainforest and he needs to be scrubbed.

“Please do take a look at my CV.”