The content of the Scottish National Party’s manifesto looks likely to be a predictable yet boring read.
Nicola Sturgeon is due to launch her tartan-covered manifesto today, which will lay out the main issues at the heart of the Scottish Nationalist Party’s election campaign and which she hopes will garner support for her drive for independence, once again.
Clasping the over-sized tartan tome in her tiny fists, the diminutive SNP warrior addressed reporters saying, “I expect the rest of Britain dozed through the May vs Corbyn non-debate on TV yesterday just like I did, so here’s something to wake everyone up.”
“Our manifesto shows exactly where our wide-ranging priorities lie and the direction that Scotland wants to be heading in.
“I know for certain that every person in Scotland wants another independence referendum, whether they say that or not.
“If I know Scottish people, which I definitely do, I am sure that even the ones who want to stay part of the United Kingdom secretly don’t.
“Everything good will stem from our independence, and we need a second referendum for that to happen.”
Asked whether there was anything in the manifesto about healthcare, the budget deficit or immigration Nicola Sturgeon shrieked “IndyRef2!” before scurrying to the safety up the nearest tree.