Tories to ban London Marathon after strong runner filmed helping weak runner

author avatar by 7 years ago

Prime Minister Theresa May has called for the London marathon to be banned after a strong athlete helped a weak athlete in an outrageous display of asphalt-based socialism.

Swansea Harrier, Matthew Rees, was heading for a Personal Best when he was deliberately held back by weaker competitor, David Wyeth, who clearly hadn’t put in the necessary hard work.

Feckless runner, Wyeth, was clearly out-of-breath but could be seen clinging to the fitter athlete in a sad parallel of Britain’s comprehensive education system.

Do-gooder, Rees, said, “Natural selection just goes out of the window when you see a fellow runner struggling through no fault of his own.”

Meanwhile, BBC footage of the two crossing the line together in a homoerotic embrace has been slammed as filthy leftist propaganda.

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Tory Party spokesman, Simon Williams, said, “The London Marathon has become a flagship for the levelling of standards and coming to someone’s aid before they collapse and die of exhaustion.

“What Mr Rees did goes against Conservative values and the kind of athlete-eats-athlete society we want to create.

“Far better to leave the weak runner on the road, being attended to by paramedics, where he can contemplate the reasons for his failure.”

Last night, the Prime Minister proposed new legislation to either ban the race altogether or give fitter athletes a thirty-minute head-start.

Williams added, “Crossing the line together like that is how the Khmer Rouge got started.”