UKIP unmanageable and on brink of financial disaster in poignant allegory

author avatar by 8 years ago

UKIP are described as without direction and on the brink of financial disaster in a poignant political metaphor this morning.

The party is understood to have applied their usual sound economic sense, unifying political message and skill at making long-term plans to themselves, leaving them in utter turmoil.

As yet, nobody within the party appears to have put two and two together, but the possibly remains that this is because they can’t.

Stephen Woolfe, who quit the party after being assaulted for suggesting he might like to have a go leading it, told reporters that UKIP was utterly divided and had no idea what to do next, but sadly seemed to miss any similarities with the broader political picture.

Meanwhile, major investors in the party have withdrawn their support, leaving it with a substantial financial black hole they have no meaningful plans of how to fill – which seems strangely apt for some reason.

“Stop talking UKIP down!”, shouted spokesman Simon Williams when he was questioned about the party’s rapidly-deteriorating financial position.

“Yes, that is our economic manifesto for Britain’s future as well, why do you ask?”

In an attempt to overcome negative publicity, the party intends to carry out a major rebranding exercise which will reflect current circumstances by removing the pound sign from their logo and replacing it with 80p.