Monday 10 October 2016

US Government announces plans to prevent radicalisation of clowns

American clown craze

A spate of sightings of threatening clowns has led to the government taking steps to prevent more clowns being radicalised.

Social services are being warned that many young clowns are being radicalised at Clown schools – or ‘Completely Mad-rassah’s’, as they are known.

Concerns have been expressed that many impressionable young clowns are being introduced to radical ideas on the Internet through online videos posted by a figure calling himself Pennywise.

“Most clowns are active, hard-working members of society who just want to be left alone to practise their traditions of driving jalopys and kicking policemen when they bend over,” said NYPD Clown outreach officer Simon Williams.

“But if it carries on like this, someone is going to get shot. Yeah, that might be just with a gun that just pops out a flag saying ‘BANG!’ but that’s still pretty serious.

“We can’t stop and search every single clown. They’ve got so many pockets in their gigantic, hilarious jackets it would take forever.”

Presidential hopeful Donald Trump has called for an ‘outright freeze’ on people putting on white pancake makeup and smiley faces until congress can figure out what is going on, and requiring people to remove comical wigs and painted on tears when going into public places.

However, his plans have been criticised by Democrat sources, who said that segregating people on the basis of great big red noses that go honk is not the mark of a civilised society.

Ronald McDonald was not available for comment.

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