Mary Berry made bookies’ favourite for England manager

After the sacking of Sam Allardyce, fans’ choice Mary Berry is now bookies’ favourite to take over.

FA Chief Executive Simon Williams said, “Mary was hugely popular with the kind of people who like watching other people bake cakes on TV, so this will be perfect for a transition into the incomprehensible world of football management.

“She’s a huge talent whose love of football is relatively unknown – in fact, I don’t even know if she knows what a football is – but she can bake a mean soufflé, and that’s just what we need to bring an entirely new fan base to the world of multi-millionaires who spend their entire lives completely divorced from reality.

“While her humour and warmth will be like a different language to the players, they will be more than familiar with her severe judgmentalism, having previously had to listen to Robbie Savage on TV.

“In her first training session, she is expected to build a solid base and provide the players with a basic understanding of the concept of timing, which they have been lacking for years.

“Our set pieces will be more eye-catching than ever before, and you can bet the forwards will learn some incredible finishing touches.

“The players will also make chocolate flan.”

If she does accept the job, Mel and Sue will be brought in as head coaches.

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