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The world is today utterly baffled as to how anyone in football is not immediately suspicious when asked dodgy questions by ‘wealthy businessmen’ they’ve only just met.
An unnamed football reporter, known only as ‘Simon Williams’, told us, “Football, along with its authorities and tax affairs have been under intense scrutiny since the ‘Fake Sheikh’ appeared back in 1999.
“1999, Sam!
“1999!
“If you are invited ANYWHERE, by ANYONE, where they use words like ‘circumvent’, ‘avoid’, ‘bypass’ and ‘third party ownership’, you really should expect to see something in the papers.
“Even my Great Aunt Mabel wouldn’t say anything. And she knows fuck all about football!
“And for pity’s sake, NEVER use the phrase ‘It’s not a problem to get around the ridiculous rules’, REGARDLESS of whether it’s about football or anything else in the whole world!”
Allardyce is preparing for his next role, presenting ‘Top Gear’, where you’re allowed to say whatever the hell you like.
