Germany considering conscription ‘absolutely nothing to worry about’

Germany announcing it is considering conscription as an option to ensure all young men of fighting age join the army is absolutely nothing to worry about, according to people who don’t own history books.

The German government claims the move would be part of a civil defence strategy and help the nation prepare for “a future disaster” that should in no way raise the eyebrows of anyone, anywhere.

The move comes just days after the government took another reassuring step in advising all citizens to stockpile food.

“Hmm. Yes, this is all a bit, well, unusual, no?” said IT worker Simon Williams.

“I don’t want to be that guy, obviously, but is no-one else a little concerned about Germany apparently preparing for war?

“Has anyone checked how things look on the Polish border recently? What about the moustaches in Angela Merkel’s cabinet – anything suspicious-looking there?”

Germans have defended the plans, claiming the rest of Europe is scaremongering over nothing at all.

Government spokesperson Klaus Willhelm told us, “Look, you’re all over-reacting, nothing bad has ever come from our great nation readying itself for war.

“Now, what about those immigrants eh?”