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A real man has done a single massive deadlift and then dropped the bar as loudly as possible so everyone in the gym knows it.
Man Simon Williams, 31, loaded the weights bar with the absolute maximum his body could endure, which was then slammed to the ground upon completion to let any potential doubters know he is an actual, proper man.
Having signalled his suitability as a potential mate to any females in the gym, Simon then continued the ritual by noisily clapping his hands together and giving a hoarse cry of success, such as that his antediluvian forebears might have made upon slaying the mighty Auroch with a flint spear.
Briefly looking around to see if anyone was watching, he then puffed his cheeks out and exhaled loudly in case anyone in the building had, thus far, been unaware of his exertions.
“I like to really push myself,” he said in the general direction of some women who were inexplicably trying to avoid eye contact.
“Work hard, play hard. I’ll go out tonight and have a massive steak. For the protein, y’know.”
Continuing to speak in the general direction of any female gymgoers, Simon explained that he believes he could lift more if he could ‘get my head in the right place’, which he appeared to think neither creepy nor disconcerting.
Speaking off the record, female gymgoer SW told us that after escaping an abusive ex nothing gets her in the mood for rough sex with the nearest Neanderthal like sudden and unexpected loud noises and bellowing.
Having completed his massive lift, Simon plans to repeat the ritual on Thursday, assuming that nagging twinge doesn’t turn out to be a hernia.
