Labour leadership crisis enters thirteenth successive year

author avatar by 8 years ago

The Labour leadership crisis has entered the thirteenth year since the party noticed they didn’t like Tony Blair very much.

Since then, the party has adopted ‘We should all unite behind the leader and take the fight to the Tories’ as its refrain, and began singing it instead of the Red Flag at their annual conference in 2009.

Labour insider Simon Williams, who asked not to be named as he’s afraid of getting a brick through his window and dog muck through his letterbox, told us that whoever has been in charge since 2003 half the party has been bloody furious about it and think someone, anyone, else would be better.

“It all began when Tony Blair kept winning elections and forced us to decide between comfortable theory and ideology untainted by the harsh, messy compromises of actual power, or the harsh, messy compromises of actual power,” he told us.

“I don’t think we’ll ever forgive him for that.”

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“I remember back in 2008 when internal polling showed that the laughing policeman machine from Skegness pier enjoyed a comfortable lead over Gordon Brown in terms of leadership, competence and credibility.

“And then in 2012, a splinter group proposed staging a coup against Ed Miliband led by Barry Chuckle off children’s TV.

“No matter who leads the Labour party, the grass will always be greener on the other side,” he added, sadly.

“Now if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got to go and prepare a briefing document against Chukka Umunna, to stamp out any ambitions he might be starting to have.”