Bill Clinton manages to get through speech without shagging anyone

author avatar by 8 years ago

The Democratic party was celebrating last night after Bill Clinton managed to endorse Hillary Clinton without committing adultery.

The well-up-for-it former President of the United States drew a standing ovation for the endorsement of his wife, not least because he managed to get through the evening without spunking on someone’s dress.

“It was touch and go for a minute, if you’ll pardon the pun,” said Democratic spokesperson, Chuck Williams.

“Around the six-minute mark, he spotted a vaguely attractive woman in the crowd and had to grip the podium that little bit harder, but he got through it like the trooper he is.

“Of course, he had a raging erection the entire time, but then that’s what podiums are for: to hide boners. Bernie Sanders was rock hard for pretty much his whole campaign but nobody was any the wiser.

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“God bless podiums.”

Mr Clinton was noticeably sweating toward the end of the speech, after which he rushed offstage to bury himself in a deluge of hardcore pornography.

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