“Miss me yet?” asks Cameron

David Cameron has settled into his beach chair, taken a sip from the half-coconut full of peach daiquiri by his side, and casually asked if people are missing him yet.

The former Prime Minister then closed his eyes and listened to the gentle, relaxing lap of wavelets on the beach before breaking out into guffaws at the thought of Boris Johnson as foreign secretary.

His reverie was further disturbed by the mental image of Andrea Leadsom as Secretary of State for Energy and Climate Change, which made him laugh daiquiri out of his nose.

Cameron is understood to find the idea of David Davis as Minister for Brexit disconcerting at an intellectual level, but on the plus side this is offset by the perfect smoke-rings he gets from chuckling whilst smoking an evening cigar.

Noting that his phone was ringing with the caller ID showing ‘No. 10’, he leaned over and easily flicked it to silent without a second thought.

He would go for another swim, but the last time he did the thought of Jeremy Corbyn as Labour leader made him inhale water through his snorkel.

Cameron says he plans to troll people for the foreseeable by hinting at a return to front-line politics before laughing and putting the phone down.

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