Boris Johnson has laughed so hard he involuntarily urinated in his trousers after hearing that Michael Gove failed to make the final two in the Conservative party leadership election.
Just days after deciding he couldn’t run for leader himself because of the huge knife Michael Gove had placed in the middle of his back, Johnson’s mood has suddenly taken a turn for the better.
Wiping away tears from his eyes, Johnson told reporters, “Oh my, that’s just wonderful news, hilarious!
“I’ll admit it’s been a difficult few days, but that news has really cheered me up, so much so the huge patch of piss on the front of my trousers isn’t bothering me one iota.
Boris went on to reflect what the result means for both Gove, and himself.
“Well, I live to fight another day, obviously – whereas Michael has given it everything he had and lost out to Theresa and a woman literally no-one could have picked out of a line-up eight weeks ago, I just, I just can’t stop laughing!
“Oh my, I thought my bladder was empty, but no, here it comes again, and this one’s a gusher – haha!”
Michael Gove is currently in the toilet plucking up the courage to tell his wife it didn’t work.