Banks in the UK are to once again be given the freedom to make a pigs ear of absolutely everything, the Bank of England has stated.
Bank of England governor Mark Carney confirmed restrictions on the amount of capital banks needed to hold in order to avoid a taxpayer-funded bailout would be eased.
The Canadian economist denied the move was like agreeing to a bungee jump with Michael Gove.
“In a time of economic instability, the most prudent step is to re-risk the markets by giving those parties responsible for the 2008 global crash free reign to cock it all up again,” he told reporters.
“The UK economy is adjusting to the will of its people.
“In doing so, the Bank of England has a responsibility to absolve the banking industry in the UK of the financial obligations currently hindering them.
“Clearly any costly hazards encountered as a result of Brexit should befall those responsible for Brexit – the taxpayers that voted for this mess in the first place.
Simon Williams, a shop assistant from Bradford, was uncomfortable with the Bank of England’s future plans.
He asked, “Isn’t that a bit like leaving Dracula in charge of the blood bank?”