Flies crash head first into windows to ‘show mates how hard they are’

Top Entomologist Dr Simon Williams has proved that flies repeatedly crash into panes of glass head first because they’re morons who think they’re really tough.

“For a long time we thought the fly couldn’t see the window,” Dr Williams said.

“But we now know that’s not the case. A fly has a complex, compound eye, and it can see a photon that reflects off a window pane just as easily as you or I can.”

The answer, it turns out, lies elsewhere.

“Flies have minute brains,” Dr Williams explained. “So they dare one another to do really stupid things. And they can’t say no because they’re afraid their mates will think they’re soft.”

And he added that a typical fly will make remarks such as “Watch this then lads! In wi’ the heid. Ow! Tak’ that, ye window bastard. Ow! Ow! Ow!

“Had enough yet? Ow!”

Other fly dares include “picking a fight with a toad”, “landing in someone’s pint of lager to see if you can drink it all” and “vomiting on someone’s dinner and eating it again”

“I’m surprised they haven’t evolved a bit more by now,” said Dr Williams, “but there you are. They’re morons, plain and simple.”

Asked if his research had given him any insight into the human condition, Dr Williams looked puzzled, but added that in translation a typical fly sounded “shrill, excitable, and speaks with a noticeable Wolverhampton accent.”