Excitement builds for annual horsey festival of death

author avatar by 8 years ago

Britain is gearing up to watch some horses get the absolute crap whipped out of them.

The Grand National is one of the world’s premier showcases for horse abuse and the country is in a frenzy to place bets on which one of the surviving animals will make it across the line first.

“I’ve got a tenner on ‘Soon to Be Glue’, he looks a fighter,” said horse botherer, Simon Williams.

“I’m just crossing my fingers that his lungs won’t overfill with blood by that point, or that he’ll stumble, fall and succumb to the bolt gun of oblivion.

“Hopefully, the jockey will beat him hard enough with his stick that he runs like an absolute bastard, but not quite so hard that he bolts uncontrollably through the boundary in a desperate bid for freedom.”

Elizabeth King said “my money is on ‘Breaks His Leg Gets Shot’, just a feeling of mine, call it woman’s intuition.

“Hopefully he WON’T break his leg and get shot! Ha! That would be so funny as it’s his name.”