Thursday 24 March 2016 by Waylandsmithy

Christians to mark occasion of botched execution in Middle East

Jesus Easter Crucifixion

Christians are busily filling their houses with chocolate eggs and rabbits, to mark the anniversary of a botched execution in Golgotha.

Approximately 2,000 years ago, a resident of the region was sentenced to death for treason. But due to an administrative error, he was only hung up for ‘the best part of an afternoon’.

“As a mark of respect, I’ll be eating chocolate and some rather flamboyant cakes,” explained Jesus super-fan Simon Williams.

“The thought of primitive justice systems always makes me feel hungry.”

Williams isn’t the only one who gets a big appetite at the merest whiff of crucifixion: Jesus himself went out for a big tea with his mates just before the big day.

After surviving his punishment, the fugitive quickly died, which was seen as a ‘miracle’ at the time.

“He died for all our sins,” explained Williams.

“And also for the treason thing.

“Which when I think about it, is a lot worse than anything I’ve recently done.”

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