North Korean media reports Kim Jong Un rode Shergar to victory at Cheltenham festival

author avatar by 7 years ago

North Korean media has reported that their leader Kim Jong Un rode missing, inevitably long-dead racehorse Shergar to victory in the 2:45 at Cheltenham yesterday.

Cheered on from the stands by celebrity pals Lord Lucan and Elvis, the North Korean despot, wearing a full suit rather than jockey attire, completed the 7-furlong sprint in less than 6 seconds, to stun those in attendance.

He was the odds on favourite from the start, with odds of 1/1000, beating other horses including Uncle Sam, Gangnam Saddle and Mr Tokyo.

Kim was fastest out of the gates and left a blazing trail of fire as he and Shergar bolted down the track to victory.

A ray of sunshine was there to greet them in the winner’s enclosure, where Kim Jong Un received his trophy from a grovelling Barack Obama, according to reports.

A North Korean Spokesman said, “Of course our great supreme leader beat these capitalist pigs… or should I say horses. This fantastic victory is a mere stepping stone on our path to the final and complete destruction of the West.”

When told that Elvis and Shergar were dead and Lord Lucan was missing, the spokesman replied, “Western lies! You will not fault our great leader on this magnificent day.

“Capitalists are bitter that they did not cash out in time whilst our leader ran the course.

“Only when Kim Jong Un wins the Grand National upon Red Rum will you realize that he is the finest sportsman of all time.

“Except for Dennis Rodman, of course.”