Following news that China has made an ‘incredible’ offer for Wayne Rooney, pundits fear he will be reverse engineered and shipped over in his thousands.
“The price of footballers is ridiculous, and supply is very limited,” explained football expert Gary Lineker.
“Some of the lower teams are bound to be tempted by a replica Rooney, constructed mostly from cheap pig meat.”
The original Rooney was built some time ago, but to the surprise of experts, it still more or less works.
“There’s just about enough left for our technicians to go at,” confirmed Cheng Du Engineering’s head of flattery, Hai Yin.
“It’s certainly more complete than that John Terry we were after, and hopefully this one won’t get my sister pregnant.”
However, Yin isn’t convinced that China itself hasn’t fallen foul of a cheap copy.
“Are you sure this is a genuine Rooney? The head is just nylon hair stuck on a potato.”