The Vatican has put the beatification of Mother Teresa on hold, after it was disclosed that she could also be responsible for a man’s mysterious broken leg.
Despite being dead since 1997, Mother Teresa has been attributed with causing a number of positive phenomena that would ordinarily be explained by science.
The Pope was forced to admit that by the same logic, Mother Theresa could equally have caused the stress fracture of Simon Williams’ right fibia.
“This puts the her in a whole other light,” admitted Pope Francis.
“It’s one thing to goal-hang hospital exits and take all the credit, but to cause an innocent man to give in to his kids, buy them a dog, and then trip over it in the hallway?
“It strikes me that she must be some sort of monster.”
Sainthood would be the first step towards Mother Teresa appearing on t-shirts, posters and chocolates, distributed through the church’s network of gift shops.
Simon Williams is making a good recovery, after surgeons fitted a metal plate in his leg.
“That can’t be a coincidence,” decreed the Pope. “This collection plate is also made of metal, and it has Mother Teresa’s face on it.”
“It’s a miracle! Quick, tell the accountants the Sainthood is back on!”