by 
Jose Mourinho’s first day of unemployment is off to a typically controversial start.
The former Chelsea manager reported in to his local jobcentre hoping to start turning another football team into an episode of “The Goodies” as soon as possible.
“It was weird,” said Customer Service Agent, Ellie Jones.
“He sat down and I asked what kind of work he was looking for, and he said he wanted to manage an internationally respected football team.
“I listened, then ignored him, as per my training, and gave him some forms to fill out for a shelf-stacking job at Lidl.
“He looked at them, then looked at me, then launched into an extended metaphor about a fox chasing a goose and sometimes the goose gets away but the fox never gives up…I drifted off at that point to be honest.
“I would say I don’t want him back but he livened up an otherwise dull afternoon.”
Mourinho will be expected to sign on at the Jobcentre every week until he secures employment at a football club or supermarket, whichever one is willing to put up his tedious shite the soonest.
