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Dolphins actually can’t stand swimming with sick people, they have confirmed today.
Members of the cetacean community confirmed that all that frolicking with ill people was just being polite and they actually have things they’d far rather be doing.
Dolphin spokesman Kititirik Williams told us that from now on it’d be a bucket of squid for half an hour round the bay or nothin’.
“Before you lot happened along life was just eating loads of fish and having magical, weightless underwater sex,” he said
“A bit like one of those profiles of Sting in the paper, you know?”
“But then you monkeys turned up with your opposable thumbs and sense of entitlement and it’s all ‘last wish’ this and ‘terminal’ that.”
“Where’s the fun in that, eh? Answer me that. And don’t get me started on all that crap you keep dumping in our sea.”
Dolphins have insisted that from now on if any sick people want to swim with them, they’ll need to put in some solid time pulling plastic bottles and carrier bags out of the sea first and until then they’d appreciate it if humans would stick to swimming with their friends the sharks.
