Anonymous declare war on ISIS and anyone who makes obvious 72 Virgins joke

author avatar by 9 years ago

Guy Fawkes themed hacker group Anonymous have vowed destruction on the Islamic State and anyone who makes the “72 Virgins coming for them early!” joke, or similar.

“To be honest we’ve hated IS for ages,” said Mr E, Anonymous spokesprobablyperson from his home in Notown, somewhere, “but we held off doing anything because of the inevitable tedious virgin jokes.”

“But no more. We’re coming for you. And your little stereotypes too. Which are totally wrong anyway because I for one have done it loads of times.”

Another hacktivist Ms Teek added; “It’s 2015. Those jokes are offensive, behind the times and make us violently angry.”

“Just like ISIS, really. So we decided to kill two birds and declare a joint policy to attack both sorts of tedious bigots. Job done.”

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A spokesman for ISIS, some fucking bastard we won’t do the honour of naming, said that despite their shared love for identity shrouding attire ISIS had no love for Anonymous either.

“We hate them.” He said, “They are tools of the decadent West. We assume. Probably. It’s very difficult to tell and we hate that.”

“We also don’t know if their face covering is cowardly or praiseworthy as we can’t figure their gender. We hate that as well. We seem to hate a lot of things.”

“There is also the fact that we’re fucking terrified that they might actually be able to mobilise and fuck us up real bad, of course.”

“We agree about the joke, though.”