Refugees shun Britain, land of dead pig sex

PM David Cameron has inadvertently solved Britain’s migrant crisis overnight by opting to shove his cock in the mouth of a dead pig.

With the fresh taste of vomit in their mouths, refugees in their millions have said a resounding ‘No’ to what they see as Britain’s entrenched culture of necro-beastiality.

And as a potential destination for those seeking sanctuary, Britain is now five times less popular than the bottom of the Aegean Sea.

As dawn broke, Northern Europe witnessed a biblical exodus of refugees travelling back southward where they prepared, once again, to be tear-gassed by Hungarian fascists.

While across the Channel in Calais, migrant camps were said to be quieter than the breakfast table at Number 10 Downing Street.

Aleppo resident Ali Muktari said, “I would rather subject my family to the cluster bombs of the butcher Assad than live in a country where this sort of thing goes on.”

His friend, Saeed Jazeera, agreed, telling us, “Until yesterday, I saw Britain as the land of Milton, Shakespeare and a generous benefits system, but not even a four-bedroom house in Esher would persuade me to live next door to this sort of pervert.”

Meanwhile, the Bullingdon Club insists nothing illegal took place on Cameron’s night of romance, except perhaps for leaving the forensic evidence on the doorstep of a mosque.

Last night UKIP leader, Nigel Farage, insisted David Cameron had succeeded where generations of right-wing arseholes like himself had failed.

He concluded, “For years I’ve been trying to address immigration by concocting scare stories about Bulgarian paedophiles stealing our jobs, when clearly all I had to do was fuck a dead pig in the mouth.”

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