Tuesday 14 October 2014 by Neil Tollfree

North Korea declares Kim Jong-Un ‘Hide and Seek’ World Champion

Kim Jong-Un has returned after a five week absence from public life and crowned himself World Champion of Hide and Seek.

“He was in a minor summer house in the grounds of his humble people’s home,” said a North Korean spokesperson,

“No one found him after five weeks, which makes him the best in the world at Hide and Seek.”

It had been thought that the North Korean leader had broken both his ankles after putting on so much weight eating pounds of cheese on a daily basis, however the spokesperson was quick to deny this.

“No, that is slander and lies against our Dear Leader by the other leaders of the world who are jealous of his prodigious hide and seek triumph.”

“Barack Obama, David Cameron, and Ban Ki-Moon have never been close to becoming World champion of Hide and Seek like the Dear Leader.”

Kim Jong-Un Hide and Seek champion

Kim Jong-Un’s reappearance walking with a walking stick was easily explained said the spokesperson.

“The Dear Leader is attempting another great feat to bring glory to the North Korean people. He will shortly become the World Champion at walking with a walking stick.”

Little is known of the secretive leader save that he is friends with Basketball star Dennis Rodman and loves nuclear weapons.

Various other rumours such as super-strength, irresistibility to girls, and being the true Godfather of soul are thought to be untrue.

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