Tuesday 14 October 2014

Everyone in office pretty sure guy who just sneezed has ebola

Ebola office infections

Your entire office is pretty sure that new guy in accounts who just sneezed is exhibiting signs of the deadly virus ebola, according to sources.

Despite carrying on as if nothing happened, all eyes are now on the new guy as workers throughout the office wonder if they should call their loved ones to offer heartfelt goodbyes.

Customer support agent Simon Williams said, “I saw it on the news that people are dying and he just sneezed right there are his desk like it was nothing. Is he some sort of psychopath?”

“I heard he rents a flat next door to someone who went to school with a black person whose grandparents were from Africa, so that’s how he probably caught it.”

“The Daily Mail said I should be scared to death of ebola, so here I am scared to death. The only thing keeping me going is the prospect of buying the Daily Mail tomorrow so I can determine how scared I should be by then.”

“Look, this place don’t pay me enough to contract ebola so I think I might go home now and stay under the bed.”

Ebola in the office

Offices across the country are reporting sharp rises in absenteeism due to ‘feeling a bit ebola-ish’, whilst many in your office have taken to wearing silly masks that cover half their faces.

However, The new guy in accounts was approached for comment by someone in a full hazmat suit, before telling us, “No, it’s not ebola.”

“I think it’s Doris who sits opposite, I’m just allergic to that pungent haze she calls ‘perfume’.”

I think, therefore I am, not a Daily Mail reader

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