Spanish population slowly returning to Spain after visit from Jeremy Clarkson

author avatar by 10 years ago

The people of Spain are slowly returning to their country this morning, after fleeing to avoid a visit by Jeremy Clarkson.

With high unemployment, recession and crippling debts to contend with, a visit by the team from Top Gear was the last thing that Spain needed.

“We didn’t have the resources to contain him, so we sent out the signal to ‘abandon country'”, explained President Mariano Rajoy.

“Sometimes its better to realise you’re in a fight you can’t win.”

With airports, motorways and whole cities left boarded-up and abandoned, Clarkson was disappointed to find little left for him to be racist at.

“I enjoy visiting Spain in a car that costs half their GDP”, explained Clarkson. “There’s nothing more satisfying than being better off than some foreigner.”

But after 2 hours of searching for someone who looked a bit ‘swarthy and lazy’, the team gave up, and did some burn-outs and donuts.

Top Gear in Spain

Rajoy single-handedly looked after Spain while Top Gear was there, and spoke of his dread as he saw them approach.

“There was this deafening roar as they emerged through the heat haze”, said Rajoy.

“A strong smell of petrol and a convoy of support Land Rovers. The noise was too much, it was driving me insane. But then he stopped for a moment to breathe in.”

Rajoy explained how he hid behind a rock to avoid being patronised, and watched as Clarkson and May dressed the small one up as a donkey.

“They dragged him up a church tower and threatened to shove him off”, said Rosa. “You could tell he was scared, because he agreed that Porsches are necessary. Then the other two laughed and set fire to a sombrero.”

Eventually, the trio got bored and drifted off through Portugal, allowing the Spanish to return to their country.

“It was tough time, but you have to look on the positives”, said Rajoy.

“The economy is in much better shape now, thanks to how much those idiots spent on petrol.”